Ref Sport has
- sportier seats
- firmer suspension
Stylance has
- dual zone climate control (as opposed to single zone in the sport)
- cruise control
- steering wheel mounted controls
For me, the ride was too firm in the reference sport, so I opted for the stylance. If the sporty suspension is up your street, then an FR might be better. The FR TDI has the engine setup differently (so it's more powerfull), and a higher spec interior.
The 2.0 TDI adds a massive premium over the 1.9tdi (which is the older, slower and less refined engine). So the cheapest I found the stylance tdi (2.0) was around 15.9k (the 1.9 is about 3k cheaper!) - I've found a few places selling new FRs for £16400 (even cheaper than that for prereg'd cars). Which is probably worth the extra...
Because I didn't want the 1.9 engine - I came to the conclusion, that if I was going with a diesel I should go with FR (I couldn't justify not!), but if I was going petrol I would go with the stylance (1.4tsi - which cost me £13400 - hence 3k cheap than the diesels). So I went with the stylance in the end...
Make sure you test drive them all though, because I was pretty keen on the fr tdi until I drove it (it drove really well... but I live in a very rural area, and the hard ride would shake me and the car to peices if I drove it everyday...).. So make sure you drive them without preconceptions..